Small Steps

For several weeks now, my wife and I have been waking up early to go to the gym and work out together. We have tried, for many years, to figure out a sustainable workout schedule, but have never landed on one that really works. With young kids, school, jobs, pets, and the many other challenges/barriers couples our age deal with, there’s never really been a feasible way to manage both of us finding the time to make our health a priority. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve both tried but it’s always been an individual venture. This time it feels different because we’re doing it together and at a time that seems to be working for us. Just a little insight into the way that I’m wired, I have a tendency to go all out. If I start working out, I want to spend 2 hours at the gym- thirty minutes of cardio and an hour and half of lifting, every day, six days a week. Melissa is not like that, she has more realistic expectations which tend to be easier to follow through with. So, she and I going to the gym together is a great balance for me. Our routine has been to wake up at 5:45 am, quickly get to the gym and work out, and make it home just as the kids are getting up for school. Which means we have thirty minutes to work out, period- no wiggle room. Since I can’t work out for the length of time I would really like to, I make up for it in intensity. I go all out for thirty minutes! I’m talking sweat dripping, panting like you can’t catch your breath, grunting, pour water on your face type of working out. I’m forty-two years old, and I still try to work out like I’m in my twenties. Well, this morning was no different. At our gym there is a 30-minute workout zone. It’s twenty stations with a timing system that keeps you moving through each station at the right pace to finish in exactly thirty minutes. The work out the gym has designed alternates between machine weight lifting and different types of box workouts (e.g., step-ups, box lunges, platform jumps, burpees, etc…) The boxes are elevated about six inches off the ground, so, the intensity with which you work out, determines how difficult it is. This morning, in true Kevin Shelby fashion, I start out with 100% effort. I’m on a station where you alternate toe touches on a box and I am flying through it. About 10 seconds in, I miss the box, start falling backwards, hit the box behind me, and fall flat on my back. I laid there for a few seconds assessing the damage to my body and realize I’m completely fine, the only part of me that’s hurt- my pride. I looked around to see if anyone else in the gym noticed, and thankfully Melissa was the only other person close enough to have witnessed this very embarrassing incident. Meanwhile, after checking to see if I’m okay, Melissa was laughing so hard she was crying. Actually, we both were. Since I felt fine, I brushed it off and moved on to the next station, continuing my high intensity workout. By the time I made it to station 17, box jumps, I was gassed. Box jumps are an exercise where you stand flat footed and jump up on the platform landing with both feet at the same time, you jump down, and then jump back up. This is repeated for about 1 minute and can get very difficult, especially if you’re already exhausted from the rest of your workout. Anyways, on my fourth jump, I caught my toe on the edge of the box which prevented my left foot from clearing the height needed to land on top of the box. Instead of sticking the landing, I hit my shin squarely on the metal edge of the box. Once again, I fell to the ground but this time in pretty serious pain complete with a small indention and gash on my shin. It took me a minute of walking around, letting out some long groans, and getting a drink a water before I was able to gather myself. I then painstakingly finished the full circuit of stations and Melissa and I headed to the house. I acted as though everything was okay, but I was hurting. When we got home, we went in to the established routine- Melissa starts breakfast and I shower and get dressed then switch out with her. After showering, wiping the blood off my shin, bandaging the wound, and getting dressed, I headed to the kitchen to relieve Melissa so she could go get herself ready. While I was finishing breakfast, I was barking at everyone, “Ethan, why didn’t you take the dogs out? Zane, stop messing with the dogs! Millie, you’re not ready yet? Nora, are you still not done with your lunch?” Melissa, hearing my “I’m annoyed with everyone” tone gave me a look like, “What’s up with you?” I took a second to assess what was happening and quickly realized- I was hurting. Because of the pain in my leg, my threshold for dealing with the normal, everyday routine of getting ready for work and school was not what it typically is. When I got to work, I took some time to really think about the events of the morning and something significant struck me- when we’re in pain, any kind of pain, it makes the rest of life more difficult to handle. I have had many clients with anxiety, depression, trauma, and a host of other mental stressors express to me that life, even the everyday normal stuff, just feels like too much. As I reflected on my experience this morning, it became clear to me that we don’t often give this simple principal much thought but it could be an extremely profound realization for us. What if, when we are short or irritable or condescending or just too overwhelmed, we asked the question, “What is making like feel like too much right now?” For many of us, I believe the answer is easily within grasp. If we took a moment to assess what is causing our emotional tank to be too full, we could quickly get an answer. The next step, doing something about it. If, rather than living with a behavior we know is causing stress and anxiety, or keeping too many plates spinning, we decided to make one small change- who knows what possibilities we would open up for ourselves. So, I want to challenge you to do something. I want you to find a quiet spot in your home or office and ask yourself this question, “What is one small thing I could do today that could have an impact on how I’m feeling, acting, or thinking?” Take the small step of saying “No” to one more project at work. Tell your spouse that you love them and you want to stop fighting. Call your friend and apologize for the way you hurt them. Call a therapist to get to the bottom of why you keep making that same bad decision over and over again. Most of us don’t realize that we’re just one small step away from dealing with our over-full emotional tank, and not taking that small step is keeping us from experiencing life more fully, more richly, more abundantly. God did not intend for us to always be depressed, anxious, addicted, or angry. He wants us to live abundantly and he offers us that gift, we’re all just one small step away from acknowledging our pain and finding healthier ways of dealing with it. Take that step, it’ll be worth it!